Fap Titans

FapTitans gets right to it. I type the URL into the bar, and within seconds a cowboy girl appears on the screen. She is dressed in a historically accurate cowgirl outfit, with a wide-brimmed hat, six-shooter, badge, and leather vest bra barely concealing her huge, perfectly round boobs.

'This is a monster,' she says. 'Click on it until you defeat it and get your reward.

It must be the level 1 "yapping orc" on the right side of the screen. He's a big, ugly, pig-faced son of a bitch with a club and a shield. But I hear you can beat him by just clicking on him, so that's okay. Let's give it a try.

Every time I clicked on the pig fucker, my hit points went down. When he died, the cowgirl told me, "You'll get gold for every monster you kill." Keep clicking and killing monsters."

Help, he has a dildo.

Next is a normal Tentacle Beast. It looks like a tree until you put your face close to the screen. It actually has a penis at the end of its tentacles. I can see why Deputy Gazangas is worried.

I "fought" 10 monsters, and I counted them by the skull in the corner. I say "fought" because I just clicked them to death and didn't put up any resistance. Some of the enemies had a vaguely sexual theme, like a very wet and shapely broad in a short dress, but most were generic cartoon monsters.

When those ten monsters were done, the cowgirl said, "It's time to buy your first hero with the money you've earned." There was only one choice: it was Akira Hitsujikai, the cowgirl with the big tits.

Once I got my hero, FapTitans changes a bit. This girl does the click work for me. I don't have to do anything, but I can see the bad guy's hit points slowly dwindling away. Akira plays that with a peashooter.

After watching the screen for a while and moving my thumb around, I have accumulated enough coins to level up Akira. I guess when he levels up, he will be able to shoot faster. Personally, I would be able to shoot faster if I could see anal penetration or at least see my nipples. I settled for third place and used the money I earned to level up Akira.

Sure enough, a parade of Pokemon-style monsters were dropping faster. After a few seconds of leveling her up, I suddenly understood what this game was all about.

Clicking with tits

FapTitans would be classified as a clicker game or an incremental game. If you have played it, you already know what I am talking about. The gameplay is what you would expect from this genre, plus boobs. If you are new to playing, don't worry. Let me break it down and explain.

Clicker is a very simple game and, as you might imagine, it starts with a click. If you click enough times, the game will give you some kind of reward. It could be that the baker made more cookies or flew more spaceships, etc. In FapTitans, you'll be slaughtering a lot of monsters and cartoon sluts that pose no threat whatsoever.

After the first level or two clicks, the incremental part comes in. With the money you earn, you can buy a proxy clicker who gets progressively stronger and can click for you; in FapTitans, this clicker is a hentai chick with big tits.

The point of clicker games and incremental games is to buy as many clickers as possible so you can accumulate points as fast as possible. There is no upper limit, so in FapTitans and other clicker and incremental games, you are forever chasing higher numbers.

Click Forever (with boobs)

You never actually click forever in clickers; after the first level of FapTitans, I stopped clicking on the "monsters".

The same "monsters" keep popping up over and over and I honestly don't understand why they kill so many of them. As for the menacing pig-faced bastards with cudgels, yes, let's kill every last one of them. As for the woman in the hot pants and big buns, what did she do to earn our wrath?

Maybe it has something to do with this catty bitch I'm buying up as my hero's whorehouse. Akira the cowgirl looks cool, but Hoshi Assassin in her fancy cleavage dress looks like she could be a bitch.

When I played Fap Titans, for some reason there was no sound. I fiddled with the audio settings and everything was working fine on my end. I feel like this game should at least have beeps and boops, but I couldn't get it to work.

Money for money.

FapTitans is the kind of game that keeps you running on one tab and hitting you on another, I would suggest doing work or something with FapTitans in the background, but I know you better. When was the last time you got out of the basement and soaked up some sun, asshole?

I was back in the game after about 20 minutes of vigorous wrist flailing. I may have broken something, but I just hope it's a record for the biggest load I've ever put in a bag of Doritos.

Bad news awaited me. My girls had been taken down by the boss, a bigger version of the pig fucker I kept killing. I used the gold I had accumulated in my absence to level up my heroes and returned to the fight.

Defeated again, the FapTitans asked if I wanted to cash in on the sale they were having. If I buy gold with real money, I can level up and buy new heroes faster. There are options to start with as little as a few bucks, and if you used to ride the damn short bus to school, you could blow your paycheck.

FapTitans can play for free, but expect plenty of opportunities to buy fake bills with real ones. If you are in a hurry to "win," that is your only option. Remember, you will never win. You can only go faster and score higher.

This Shit is Hot

I didn't want to spend real money, so I let Fap Titans run in the background and level up when I could. Hero just kept grinding away, wiping out wave after wave of dildos, orcs, and scantily clad non-threatening women.

FapTitans would be playable on a fast tablet, but if you wanted to play it on a smartphone, you'd probably need a very expensive piece of shit. The game is surprisingly demanding on system resources. I don't know why since it's so basic, but my laptop fan is really running, and FapTitans makes my machine hot.

But what on earth does it do to make my laptop hot? Honestly, they don't do anything for me. The heroes in my stable and the heroes I keep butchering all have jumbo cups the size of a jumbo cup, but they have never taken out their jugs.

Am I a clicker dude? I don't think so, FapTitans get your tits out or I'm out of here.

So are they going to get naked?

I left the computer for a while to go paint the bathroom with my seed. When I came back I had enough gold to level up for a fight with the pig king. He went down in about 10 seconds.

As a reward, I got a random chest full of random goodies. I could have bought more with diamonds or tickets, but those things cost real money.

The chest of rewards included one hentai image of a female student receiving hands-on education in class. One student has a cock in her mouth and another has her ass penetrated.

All you need to do to fill the gallery of hentai images is to let Fap Titans run in the background while you do other things. If you like clicker and incremental games, you'll mildly enjoy it, but if you don't, why not just browse the hentai sites?