Passion.com

Okay, decapitators, time to get out of the basement. Clean your ass, brush your frodda cheese, and put on your button-down shirt. Not the one with the dragon on it, but the oxford your mom bought you. You're all set. Now all you need is a dating site that targets horny bastards like you. Check out Passion.com.

Check out the shirtless guy.

When you go to the Passion landing page, the first thing you see is a shirtless man. His pants and shorts hang down, further exposing his toned physique. He is clearly working out. For a moment I thought I was on a homosexual dating site.

Depending on the device you are using, the woman with her arms around Mr. Universe may be barely visible. On my phone, she was almost hidden in the background. On my tablet, she is pushed into a corner, almost hidden behind the screen. On my laptop it is most clearly visible, but with a shadow remaining behind the gay porn stud.

It's an odd design choice, but I know what you mean. They're trying a little more to entice women. This includes a dating site with a landing page stolen from the cover of a slutty romance novel.

Passion is actually for all sexual orientations. Next to the rule-breaking gentleman and his shadowy figure are the two questions required to register as a member of the site: "Who are you" and "Who are you looking for." You can choose: male, female, TS/TV/TG, group (male and female) or couple (male and female, two men or two women).

If you give the device your location information, Passion will start following you even before you hit the "join" button. I always set my location on dating and sex sites to the nearest big city, about an hour away, but Passion already seems to claim that it can find my date in some suburbs. If it really saves me the travel time, I'm not going to say no.

Meet beautiful women and hopefully copulate with them

As I was answering questions on the registration page, Passion's statistics caught my eye: they claim to have over 250,000 sexy photos of users, but I immediately wondered how they differentiate between them and the ugly ones. I think they're just lying. I'd like to believe that 3,670 new photos are uploaded every day, but I doubt that there are really 10,916 users next to me.

There is an asterisk next to the final number, and at the bottom of the page is a "*Numbers Note" link. It says that "members" means everyone who has an account, including women who signed up years ago, logged in once, and never came back. This is not encouraging.

The top of the page claims that there are 92,100,445 active users on the site. There is no explanation of what "active" means. We have already checked the number of views and it has not reached the level it should be. Passion is currently gaining 1.3 million views per month. A decent number for most sites, but a bit small for the global dating pool and not even close to the claimed 92.1 million.

You'll be lucky if you choose a username that doesn't have random numbers in it. Some bastard already took every variation of ThePornDude I could think of, so I had to use my own name, which is very frustrating. It's a privacy issue, you know. After typing BigDickLord666 into the username field and choosing a password, Passion ended up with a few questions about my orientation, body type, race, and marital status.

Oh, what. How much do you want now.

The email confirmation sent me to a page that said in big letters that I would get full access if I became a golden dick. There were sample profiles on the screen, including sexy topless women, nude hotel madness, and close-ups of bald, slippery pussy. At the bottom were prices: monthly membership dues started at $40.

What the hell. Passion was not a free site. That was my impression. Come to think of it, I don't think I was told anything about the cost of the site before I signed up.

Apparently a Gold membership gives you full access to "millions of full profiles," and I still suspect that Passion even claims that "Gold members get more sexual success." Sure, many women find it attractive that men give money away, but I don't see a particularly compelling reason to outdo Passion.

There's no button on the page to opt out of the paid experience, which presumably means there's no choice. But you can't fool me that easily. I've left the page as it is.The number two next to the envelope icon tells me there's a message to read, so I might as well start there.

Lusty, down-to-earth couples and/or sexy spambots.

Well, I'm a nerd. Between typing the last few paragraphs and hitting my inbox, I got a few messages. I figured it would just be one or two introductory messages from Passion. In fact, it was the first message, but there are about half a dozen others.

The second message I got was "We are a sexually adventurous couple who love. " and began with "We are a sexually adventurous couple who love." That's all I could see in the preview before it cut off. The sender appears to be a couple (34M/33F), the name is a random character set, and the profile has a small picture of a woman's hand encircling an erection.

It sounds suspiciously like pornographic spam, but you can't actually read the messages. Clicking on it brings up a blurry chat window and a message telling me that I need to upgrade to the Gold plan for "unlimited messaging."

Most of the messages in my inbox are variations of the same content. Hi all. We are a down-to-earth couple . Hilf looking for a good time, you found it. We are here to meet new people just like me.

All the little profile pictures are dirty amateur porn. But you can't talk to anyone. I don't want to pay for unlimited messages. How about basic limited messaging, cheapskates.

Before you get too carried away with this swinger's paradise, I'll tell you some nonsense. Lusty couples and attractive women don't need to text faceless random people on the Internet. Chances are they are spam bots who want to lure you to other sites that pay for pornography. It's also very likely that every message is the first step of a scam. Be careful not to send money or gifts to people you have never met.

Get to know a sexual partner or at least spend some money.

Another post was "Your sexual partner" from Passion. Interestingly enough, I had already been matched with someone, even though I hadn't entered any information about myself or uploaded a picture - a 47-year-old MILF with cleavage in a red dress in my profile picture. I clicked on the "Verify Me" button.

It turns out that this woman has 10 other photos, but I haven't been able to look at them yet. The screen shows the cost of a Gold membership and a la carte options: you can send a flirt for $1 or view a profile for $3.

Maybe I'm a cheapskate, but even a few dollars is too much for my blood right now. Hell, why can't I get sex for free. I wish I had the looks of Brad Pitt, but yeah, I can't afford plastic surgery. I just don't want to pay for basic features, but yes, I can control my dick, so you already know what's going to happen.

I know there are some real women at Passion. With enough time, effort and money, you will meet them. You might even get laid. However, you can also date a girl, pay for food, put in a lot of effort, and hope you get lucky. Okay, okay, let's pay some money for this site.

Okay, decapitators, time to get out of the basement. Clean your ass, brush your frodda cheese, and put on your button-down shirt. Not the one with the dragon on it, but the oxford your mom bought you. You're all set. Now all you need is a dating site that targets horny bastards like you. Check out Passion.com. Check out the shirtless guy. When you go to the Passion landing page, the first thing you see is a shirtless man. His pants and shorts hang down, further exposing his toned physique. He is clearly working out. For a moment I thought I was on a homosexual dating site. Depending on the device you are using, the woman with her arms around Mr. Universe may be barely visible. On my phone, she was almost hidden in the background. On my tablet, she is pushed into a corner, almost hidden behind the screen. On my laptop it is most clearly visible, but with a shadow remaining behind the gay porn stud. It's an odd design choice, but I know what you mean. They're trying a little more to entice women. This includes a dating site with a landing page stolen from the cover of a slutty romance novel. Passion is actually for all sexual orientations. Next to the rule-breaking gentleman and his shadowy figure are the two questions required to register as a member of the site: "Who are you" and "Who are you looking for." You can choose: male, female, TS/TV/TG, group (male and female) or couple (male and female, two men or two women). If you give the device your location information, Passion will start following you even before you hit the "join" button. I always set my location on dating and sex sites to the nearest big city, about an hour away, but Passion already seems to claim that it can find my date in some suburbs. If it really saves me the travel time, I'm not going to say no. Meet beautiful women and hopefully copulate with them As I was answering questions on the registration page, Passion's statistics caught my eye: they claim to have over 250,000 sexy photos of users, but I immediately wondered how they differentiate between them and the ugly ones. I think they're just lying. I'd like to believe that 3,670 new photos are uploaded every day, but I doubt that there are really 10,916 users next to me. There is an asterisk next to the final number, and at the bottom of the page is a "*Numbers Note" link. It says that "members" means everyone who has an account, including women who signed up years ago, logged in once, and never came back. This is not encouraging. The top of the page claims that there are 92,100,445 active users on the site. There is no explanation of what "active" means. We have already checked the number of views and it has not reached the level it should be. Passion is currently gaining 1.3 million views per month. A decent number for most sites, but a bit small for the global dating pool and not even close to the claimed 92.1 million. You'll be lucky if you choose a username that doesn't have random numbers in it. Some bastard already took every variation of ThePornDude I could think of, so I had to use my own name, which is very frustrating. It's a privacy issue, you know. After typing BigDickLord666 into the username field and choosing a password, Passion ended up with a few questions about my orientation, body type, race, and marital status. Oh, what. How much do you want now. The email confirmation sent me to a page that said in big letters that I would get full access if I became a golden dick. There were sample profiles on the screen, including sexy topless women, nude hotel madness, and close-ups of bald, slippery pussy. At the bottom were prices: monthly membership dues started at $40. What the hell. Passion was not a free site. That was my impression. Come to think of it, I don't think I was told anything about the cost of the site before I signed up. Apparently a Gold membership gives you full access to "millions of full profiles," and I still suspect that Passion even claims that "Gold members get more sexual success." Sure, many women find it attractive that men give money away, but I don't see a particularly compelling reason to outdo Passion. There's no button on the page to opt out of the paid experience, which presumably means there's no choice. But you can't fool me that easily. I've left the page as it is.The number two next to the envelope icon tells me there's a message to read, so I might as well start there. Lusty, down-to-earth couples and/or sexy spambots. Well, I'm a nerd. Between typing the last few paragraphs and hitting my inbox, I got a few messages. I figured it would just be one or two introductory messages from Passion. In fact, it was the first message, but there are about half a dozen others. The second message I got was "We are a sexually adventurous couple who love. " and began with "We are a sexually adventurous couple who love." That's all I could see in the preview before it cut off. The sender appears to be a couple (34M/33F), the name is a random character set, and the profile has a small picture of a woman's hand encircling an erection. It sounds suspiciously like pornographic spam, but you can't actually read the messages. Clicking on it brings up a blurry chat window and a message telling me that I need to upgrade to the Gold plan for "unlimited messaging." Most of the messages in my inbox are variations of the same content. Hi all. We are a down-to-earth couple . Hilf looking for a good time, you found it. We are here to meet new people just like me. All the little profile pictures are dirty amateur porn. But you can't talk to anyone. I don't want to pay for unlimited messages. How about basic limited messaging, cheapskates. Before you get too carried away with this swinger's paradise, I'll tell you some nonsense. Lusty couples and attractive women don't need to text faceless random people on the Internet. Chances are they are spam bots who want to lure you to other sites that pay for pornography. It's also very likely that every message is the first step of a scam. Be careful not to send money or gifts to people you have never met. Get to know a sexual partner or at least spend some money. Another post was "Your sexual partner" from Passion. Interestingly enough, I had already been matched with someone, even though I hadn't entered any information about myself or uploaded a picture - a 47-year-old MILF with cleavage in a red dress in my profile picture. I clicked on the "Verify Me" button. It turns out that this woman has 10 other photos, but I haven't been able to look at them yet. The screen shows the cost of a Gold membership and a la carte options: you can send a flirt for $1 or view a profile for $3. Maybe I'm a cheapskate, but even a few dollars is too much for my blood right now. Hell, why can't I get sex for free. I wish I had the looks of Brad Pitt, but yeah, I can't afford plastic surgery. I just don't want to pay for basic features, but yes, I can control my dick, so you already know what's going to happen. I know there are some real women at Passion. With enough time, effort and money, you will meet them. You might even get laid. However, you can also date a girl, pay for food, put in a lot of effort, and hope you get lucky. Okay, okay, let's pay some money for this site.