Skibbel

As far as live sex on the Internet, I've been around the block. I've also done streaming and phone sex, which I know you guys can't do because you don't know how much more stuff can come out of a person's body or go in.

Live music is great, but the downside is you have to be present. I can't spend $20,000 to watch a live show when I can't take my mind off the game or work. There is no quick way to get into the flow in the 30 seconds it takes you to stand in line at the bank. I don't want to spend that time in the present moment.

Others in line are playing Angry Birds or reading the news. To hell with Angry Birds and to hell with current affairs. I'm only interested in pussy and masturbation. The tellers at this bank are lucky to be sitting behind double-pane windows.

But hey, I'm not the only horny one here who wants to stick dirt in every crevice. Some of us even have enough brain cells to create a site for indefatigable horny dogs, Skibbel, which brings together like-minded perverts to text about genitalia. The great thing is, as long as you're not wearing sweatpants, you can text chat anywhere and anytime without attracting attention.

Simplicity is bliss.

Skibbel's web design couldn't be simpler. There are no menus, no pages of content to flip through. Just type in an address, tell us what you're looking for, and you'll be connected to others. That's it.

All you have to do is answer three questions - gender, age and the gender you're looking for - and you're hooked up. Boom, and you're all set. If you want, there's also room to write any notes you want on your profile and add a photo.

Beaver, my gosh.

After you fill out the profile, Skibble starts contacting users. Before I knew what was happening, a bitch sent me a picture of her beaver. My God, why did I wear sweatpants to my grandmother's funeral.

The site consists of a chat room where you can send text, voice, photos, videos and files. Above the chat field, a thumbnail image of the profile picture and the location of the person you're chatting with is displayed. The only other button is for ending the chat. As soon as you end the conversation, you are immediately connected to the other person. You don't have to do anything - you can just click the button on the profile picture.

If there weren't so many parts of Skibble, it would fall off the monitor. There's nothing superfluous anywhere. There are almost no ads. Just you and an endless stream of hookers for sex.

You have to turn off the chat room before you find a woman showing off her dick. Even if you tell the site what you are looking for, sometimes guys will show up. Many women advertise live camera sites. They are usually bots, so they will not respond to you.

 If a bot has brewed your inner Karen, you can let the user know. This isn't such a bad idea, since it only takes a second and helps Skibbell prevent criminals from infiltrating the site. Plus, it's another downside to having to scroll through to find a cunt.

Generally, if her profile picture is a 10 or her intro is "hello," she doesn't exist, and many bots send links to cam sites without a hello. Admittedly, I like girls who skip the foreplay.

Some of the sites linked to are exact imitations of Skibble. That's why they have multiple chat rooms open, to increase the chances of finding the right person quickly. Note: It's hard to maintain multiple conversations that contribute to an erection. Multitasking is not a strength when you don't have a penis at hand, or even when you have one.

Skibbel makes it easy to share files, audio, photos, and visuals. If you allow the use of a microphone and camera, you can access them at the touch of a button. However, like me, your face and cock should not be on public display. That's why I upload pictures of attractive people with bigger dicks than me. The bar is set so low that you can easily dig up something from Google Images.

Liars, liars and burning dicks.

It's not a bad idea to mention on your profile that you are a doctor or a lawyer to set the mood. However, you shouldn't combine being a doctor with a picture of a bastard like Brad Pitt. Your profile should be somewhat believable. And if you type like a retard, they'll know something's wrong." I can't believe you wrote such a bad job." I complained. That's how good I am at my job.

On a related note, it's nice to have lines already written that you can copy and paste when you need them. Poetic nonsense is not something you can make up on the fly. You can find poems online and claim you wrote them. Or quote Shakespeare as if you already have all that knowledge.If you're bi or gay, you won't have any trouble finding a date. These gentlemen don't mess around. They immediately start masturbating to images of penises. I wish many women would behave the same way. If I die and become a whore again, I promise that making men cum will be my life's work, and that's my gift to you.

Sweet spot.

Don't worry. There's a thirsty bitch in her underwear. There is a perfect place to find real women's profiles. Look for people between the ages of 35 and 55. Profile pictures should be 5 to 7. As women get older, they become very horny. They are horny like teenagers. Their pussies are soaked in panties.

Middle-aged women want to do strange things. They demand anal and BDSM. They all want men to hurt them, treat them, and tear them apart. Your dick is seen as a dildo for their pleasure. All you have to do is hum the song from the movie "Golden Girls" in your head and try not to cum.

I exchange gifs and pictures via email with a 45-year-old woman I met on Skibbel. She sends me shit that turns my dick into a space needle. Her pussy lips are spread like butterflies. My asshole gapes like I fucked a parking meter. Her mouth wraps around a can of Campbell's soup. She's not a very affectionate bitch, but my cock could fit a pencil between her lips with a reserve.

Ease of use is why Skibbel is a great sex site. You can't help but click on it. It's like pulling the bar on a slot machine. At any moment you can get a picture of the inside of some pussy's pubes. Just thinking about it gives me the creeps. Now there are ribs for her pleasure.

Not everything is perfect, even with a product as simple as Skibbel. Not being able to find real women can be frustrating - I wish Skibbel had a filter to weed out robot accounts.

Many men show up on the site even if they have marked on their profile that they want to find women. But that's okay, I'm fine. Most of the time I log out before I can ignore them. There's no danger of catching unwanted dick photos, but it's still frustrating.

If you're tired of passively watching porn and want to participate, but not too much, then sexting is what you need Skibbel is probably the easiest way to start right away. Take the 10 seconds it takes to create a profile and give it a try.