Tracys Dog

Tracy's dog did it. It seems to be from the early 2000s. But maybe I'm a little confused by this site I've just been browsing. I'm being introduced to high-tech penis massagers and clitoral rubbers, and I think it's time to retire my old gym socks and choose something with less friction on my dick. As someone who checks porn sites around the world every day, I wish I had something more effective for masturbation than what's lying on the floor.

Honestly, the toys on TracysDog.com are not the little things that are lying around everywhere. Unless you're the kind of exhibitionist who doesn't want all the visitors to know you're masturbating electrically, you're better off hiding them in your bedside table or in your closet drawer Tracy's Dog sells a range of bizarre self-satisfaction devices for men, women and couples. I usually look at sites that will actually give you something to rub while your wife is in the shower. So, let's take a look at what's on offer.

Cool masturbators for cool masturbators.

Young perverts probably don't know how good they are. They used to have to buy their sex toys at dubious porn stores in town or at dubious porn stores a little off the freeway. The result was a shitty assortment of deformed dildos, ill-fitting sleeves, wandering whips, and rubber fists too big for people's butts. These days you can buy masturbation equipment from the comfort of your own home and have a much better selection than before.

A prime example of this is TracysDog, which has been advertising good products for years. As soon as I opened the landing page, I felt what put them on the map and kept them there. First, the presentation is very good. It's catchy and professional, yet surprisingly clean. Sure, you know what vibrators, artificial penises and automatic penis strokers are for, but it's a classy setting that makes you feel like you're in an upscale novelty store, not an old-fashioned peep-shop. There's definitely no semen on the walls.

Aside from the design, the first thing that struck me about TracysDog.com is that it seems to be aiming for a true mid-price sex toy category. For example, the $119 luxury male masturbator at the top of the screen was the most expensive I've seen. Scroll down a bit more and you'll find classic dildos for $23 and multi-section suction vibrators and automatic penis machines for $40.

Compare that to the other online sex toy stores I've reviewed on ThePornDude, and you'll see what I mean. Sure, they're more expensive than the noname stuff you can buy on Amazon, but they're clearly cheaper than the expensive stuff from big stores like Adam and Eve, or futuristic toys from brands like Lovense and Kiiroo. The entry-level Fleshlight costs about $70 and is not automatic. (By the way, TracysDog has a product very similar to the Fleshlight, but it only costs $17.)

Cheap electronic cocksuckers. Seriously.

If you've reviewed or read my reviews of automatic male masturbators like Kiiroo or TheHandy, I probably caught your attention in the latter section. Other devices in this category could easily cost you hundreds of dollars, but Tracy's Dog has automatic penis massagers starting at $43.

The cheapest and oldest model is called the Osburn Automatic Male Masturbator. When I first saw the picture, I couldn't tell if it was for men or women. That's because it looks like a slightly flaccid uncircumcised penis. Turns out it has multiple vibration frequencies and three suction/discharge modes inside the TPE sleeve. It's a state-of-the-art device that charges via USB. Honestly, I was more than a little impressed with the functionality of this device, as I assumed it would only have a minimal feature set given its $43 price tag.

Tracy's Dog calls these products "Automatic Masturbation Cups." There is also a newer model called "Launch It," although it is a few dollars more expensive. This device looks like a rocket ship and has seven vibration modes and seven suction modes. It could use more variety.

Of course, if you want the full, pure magic that TracysDog.com has to offer, you should check out the Turboo. It's the company's newest male masturbator, which looks like a fancy rocket that looks like it came out of the golden age of science fiction. It has this thing called CFEET: Centrifugal Forced Ejaculation Enhancement Technology, which returns three modes of vibration.This ball rotates 13,000 times per minute, producing deep stimulation and intense orgasm.

Free shipping. If you want free shipping on the other two products as well, you'll have to buy them both at the same time; TracysDog.com offers free shipping, but only on purchases of $60 or more. Then you can buy one of the cheaper automatic penis sucking machines and order lotions and other products to go with it. So let's see what else is available.

Plugs, dildos, stoppers and more

We settled on Tracy's Dog automatic masturbators for several reasons. First, because, along with VR, they are one of the most essential items for masturbation. Women have dildos and vibrators, but until recently men only had little fap sleeves and fresh lamps, and gadgets like Launch It have finally brought the magic of automatic genital massage to the masses in a much cheaper variation of this technology.

I also focused on them because, well, I know my audience. It's mostly straight men who come to see my reviews and look for porn, but I've also had a few women and queer men. In this case, they'll probably be happy to know that TracysDog.com has a variety of sex toys for everyone. You want a prostate massager, a butt plug, a leg-splitting bondage set, or anything else that won't stop your slave from protecting her precious brown roses.

Girls, if you're looking for a vibrator, be sure to check out Tracy's Dog's range. They have a great selection of clitoral suction devices, fuck vibrators and dildos, and they're surprisingly cheap, just like the penis suction devices I mentioned. For example, the most affordable clitoral suction vibrator is only $14, which seems like a great deal to me, even though I don't have a clitoris.

Yes, I'm seriously considering buying an automatic masturbation bowl - my Tenga 3D is getting old, and it would be cheaper to buy Launch It than to replace it. An automatic masturbator can be purchased for about the same price as a high-end brand masturbator, so the economic benefit is irresistible.

The only complaint about TracysDog is that, as is often the case with stores selling this type of toy, you can't return the toy if you don't really like it: you can return it within 30 days, but it must be in unused condition. I've seen a few sex toy stores where you can return them without question, but it's pretty darn rare.

Sometimes I feel like a fanatical masturbator. However, TracysDog.com has definitely caught my attention with its inexpensive automatic male masturbators. This site is worth checking out if you're in search of one of these suction cups, or perhaps if you're just in the general market for sex toys. There's a good selection here, and the prices for name-brand vibrators, lotions, and BDSM restraints are very solid. Finding this store might just cure your blisters.